Journey and Purpose

I'm working on it.

Time Apart Makes the Heart Grow Stronger

      As each semester comes to a close I find it funny how much of me wishes it wasn't ending. It seems as though when finals start approaching so does my want for it to end. By that time the endless days and nights of clinicals, homework, tests, EBL's and nights of no sleep have me begging for a break. But here I am wishing I was there. It surprises me really just how much I can miss someone, even when sometimes I just saw them hours ago. Sometimes it hits me so hard it literally hurts. And yet you'd think after doing this for so many years I'd learn. I learn not to wish it all away. Maybe its worse this year because the future seems so uncertain or maybe its for a different reason.

      If you had told me three months ago that the last two weeks of school would be what they were, I'd laugh in your face. I always wanted to tell them, to tell anybody really but it isn't who I am. It still isn't really but I'm learning. It only came after days and weeks of someone constantly tearing down walls to get in. I wanted them in, I didn't know if I wanted anyone else but I wanted them, I just didn't know how. During one particularly hard set of days this person told me, "It may hurt to let them in but it's hurting you  more keeping them out, by letting them in you're not being weak you're letting them be your strength." I have a long way to go to get "used" to this whole thing and everything that comes with it, but now I'm not alone and as much as it still surprises me, as hard as some days are to accept, I know they're there no matter what. I just wish it didn't hurt so much to be apart.

I Want You

Sometimes the Heart wants what the Head knows it can't have.

In the Midst

As the end of the year comes to a close I'm never quite sure how I feel. Excitement that is over? Love at the new weather? Worry about my grades? Sadness as its all over? As I sit in the middle of a room that needs to be packed I wonder what I accomplished this last week? Sure I slowly checked things of lists finished classes and clinical paperwork but did I really do what needed to be accomplished most? Did I tell the ones ill miss that I love them? Did I tell the people who made everything easier thank you? Did I ultimately live life for what it is? So much of my life is caught up in studying that I often forget that there's even a world around me. A would full of people trying to do the same thing. Live. What if it were to all end? Did I make the impact on the people I love that I want to? Did I stand out enough that I won't be forgotten? Each day seems so long and hard at points that its almost unbearable but at night when that day slowly fades from one to the next I realize that time continues to move and I wonder do I move with it? Or am I set to sit in the midst of a room wondering where and when I said no to moving.