How Do You Know?

When do you know it's time? Time to tell someone some thing that will change their life? Wether it's good or bad how do you know? Is it better to have them and them not know? Or for them to know and you not have them? I really want to tell you, I just wish it wouldn't be so huge.

It's Time

The Worlds Biggest Lie

Missing You A Whole Awful Lot ♥

Take Care Up There

Don't Forget I'm Here

I read these other blogs and I find cool that the view base is so large. Hell some blogs I've seen generate   1000s of views a day, I thought it would be cool if I started one and thats what happened. I was so wrong. Its cool knowing this blog is my own little nitch in the internet. From what I know other than a few people no one knows I'm here. It's my place to vent to think to write. And its just me.

Its funny really when you meet someone, your first though tisn't "How am I going to live without this person?" You see you don't think about how much a person is going to mean to you when you first meet them but when the day comes that you don't have them it sucks. When you go from seeing and talking to someone everyday to not at all, its life changing.

Days are long, busy, tiring and fast. People say that time goes by fast and years are gone before you realize but how many people actually sit there in the middle of one of those busy days and admire it for what it is? Fast paced, busy and just maybe exactly what you wanted. Just remember the people that aren't aways in the picture, write down when you've made plans, make it up to them when you forget and read the letters they've left you. Don't let the busyness and monotony of everyday life make you forget what makes your life yours and the people in it.

"And If I told you I loved you would it change what you see?" -The Avett Brothers

The Way it Should Be. Live Your Own Life.

badwolfonbakerstreet:

jokerchenisdifferent:

oneandonlygabriel:

I really, REALLY wish you could read this article about a father who started wearing skirts because his son likes to wear skirts and dresses and he wants his son to feel stronger
Like, holy shit, the end made me feel so happy 

This is so beautiful I’m sorry for everyone who can’t speak German and can’t read this right now. 

I translated the article. Please excuse any mistakes, it was done in quite a hurry.

My 5-year old boy likes to wear dresses. In Berlin Kreuzberg that was enough to start conversations with other parents. Is that sensible or ridiculous? ‘Neither!’ I still want to shout at them. But unfortunately they can’t hear me anymore. Because by now I live in a little town in southern Germany. Not even a hundred thousand inhabitants, very traditional, very religious. Here my son’s preferences aren’t only a topic for the parents, they’re common talk.

Yes, I’m one of those fathers who try to raise their children equal. I’m not one of those academical dads that while studying keep blathering on about gender equality and as soon as there is a child fall back into the cuddly cliché role images: He self-actualizes in his job, she takes care of the rest.

With that, I have realized now, I am part of a minority that occasionally makes a fool out of itself. Out of conviction.

In my case it has to do with me not wanting to persuade my son not to wear dresses and skirts. Since he wasn’t making friends by doing that in Berlin, after due consideration I only had one choice. To square my shoulder for my little guy and put on a skirt myself. After all I can’t expect the same assertiveness of a preschool child than I do of an adult. Without a role model. So I am the role model now.

So back then in Berlin we already had skirt and dress days when the weather was tepid. Long skirts with elastic bands quite suit me, I think. Dresses are more difficult. The Berliners reacted hardly at all or positive. They are used to weird people. In my little town in southern Germany that’s a little different.

With all the stress while moving I forgot to tell the teachers at kindergarten to make sure my boy won’t be laughed at because of his preference. A short time later he didn’t dare to go to kindergarten in a skirt or dress. And asked me with big eyes: ‘Papa, when will you wear a skirt again?’.

Until this day I am grateful to that woman who kept staring at us in the pedestrian zone until she ran into a lamp post. My son was roaring with laughter. And the next day he took a dress out of the cupboard again. At first only for the weekend. Later for kindergarten as well.

And what’s the guy doing by now? He paints his fingernails. He think it looks pretty on me, too. He smiles when other boys (it’s almost always boys) want to make a fool out of him and says: ‘You just don’t dare to wear dresses and skirts because your fathers don’t dare to.’ That’s how much he has squared his shoulders by now. Thanks to dad in a skirt.

(via peekadora)

(via http://internal-acceptance-movement.tumblr.com/)

aLIVE

Tonight I got a tattoo. It's funny really, at 22 it really isn't a big deal, just another thing in life. But it was so much more than that. It was 10 min of pain not even close that the past has brought, it was a symbol of moving past surviving, it's a symbol of learning to live, it was the last 10 min I will emotionally cry for the last 20 months, it was a symbol of awareness, and it was closure.

The road ahead isn't going to be easy, hell it might even be worse, but no more am I simply surviving. I have a long way to go, an awfully long way to go, but for the first time in 20 months I feel whole. I feel like I have finally reached a point in my life where I'm no longer fighting to survive, I am learning to live. While it isn't a walk on the beach, the pain wasn't as bad as the emotions that came before. There may not be an end in sight right now but it's time for me to Live despite the disease not surviving under it. Wether it's a good day or a bad day I will Live that day with all I have, because now I finally feel aLIVE.

My Drive, My Need. My Life.

Because Your You

I'll never understand why I do the things I do, say the things I say, keep the things I keep. Maybe one day, if I'm lucky, someone will tell me and it will simply be "because your you".

Journey and Purpose

I'm working on it.

Time Apart Makes the Heart Grow Stronger

      As each semester comes to a close I find it funny how much of me wishes it wasn't ending. It seems as though when finals start approaching so does my want for it to end. By that time the endless days and nights of clinicals, homework, tests, EBL's and nights of no sleep have me begging for a break. But here I am wishing I was there. It surprises me really just how much I can miss someone, even when sometimes I just saw them hours ago. Sometimes it hits me so hard it literally hurts. And yet you'd think after doing this for so many years I'd learn. I learn not to wish it all away. Maybe its worse this year because the future seems so uncertain or maybe its for a different reason.

      If you had told me three months ago that the last two weeks of school would be what they were, I'd laugh in your face. I always wanted to tell them, to tell anybody really but it isn't who I am. It still isn't really but I'm learning. It only came after days and weeks of someone constantly tearing down walls to get in. I wanted them in, I didn't know if I wanted anyone else but I wanted them, I just didn't know how. During one particularly hard set of days this person told me, "It may hurt to let them in but it's hurting you  more keeping them out, by letting them in you're not being weak you're letting them be your strength." I have a long way to go to get "used" to this whole thing and everything that comes with it, but now I'm not alone and as much as it still surprises me, as hard as some days are to accept, I know they're there no matter what. I just wish it didn't hurt so much to be apart.

I Want You

Sometimes the Heart wants what the Head knows it can't have.

In the Midst

As the end of the year comes to a close I'm never quite sure how I feel. Excitement that is over? Love at the new weather? Worry about my grades? Sadness as its all over? As I sit in the middle of a room that needs to be packed I wonder what I accomplished this last week? Sure I slowly checked things of lists finished classes and clinical paperwork but did I really do what needed to be accomplished most? Did I tell the ones ill miss that I love them? Did I tell the people who made everything easier thank you? Did I ultimately live life for what it is? So much of my life is caught up in studying that I often forget that there's even a world around me. A would full of people trying to do the same thing. Live. What if it were to all end? Did I make the impact on the people I love that I want to? Did I stand out enough that I won't be forgotten? Each day seems so long and hard at points that its almost unbearable but at night when that day slowly fades from one to the next I realize that time continues to move and I wonder do I move with it? Or am I set to sit in the midst of a room wondering where and when I said no to moving.

Banana Pancakes

Can't you see that it's just raining?
Ain't no need to go outside...

Baby, you hardly even notice
When I try to show you this
Song is meant to keep you
From doing what you're supposed to.
Waking up too early
Maybe we can sleep in
I'll make you banana pancakes
Pretend like it's the weekend now

And we could pretend it all the time
Can't you see that it's just raining?
Ain't no need to go outside

But just maybe, laka ukulele
Mommy made a baby
Really don't mind the breakfast
'cause you're my little lady
Lady, lady, love me
'cause I love to lay here lazy
We could close the curtains
Pretend like there's no world outside

And we could pretend it all the time
Can't you see that it's just raining?
Ain't no need to go outside

Ain't no need, ain't no need, mmm, mmm,
Can't you see, can't you see?
Rain all day, rain all night.

The telephone is singing
Ringing
It's too early
Don't pick it up
We don't need to we got everything
We need right here
And everything we need is enough
Just so easy
When the whole world fits inside of your arms
Don't really need to pay attention to the alarm
Wake up slow, yeah, wake up slow

Baby, you hardly even notice
When I try to show you this
Song is meant to keep ya
From doing what your supposed to
Waking up too early
Maybe we can sleep in
I'll make you banana pancakes
Pretend like it's the weekend now

And we could pretend it all the time
Can't you see that it's just raining?
Ain't no need to go outside
Ain't no need, ain't no need
Rain all day and I really really, really don't mind
Can't you see, can't you see?
You gotta wake up slow


(source: azlyrics.com)

Happy Easter!

In a Rut

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled.  For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.

Glitz It Up!

With it getting warmer I've been crushing on nail polish lately. Here's a few of my favorites

my favorite non- glitter

sonic boom by sally hansen

a glitter favorite

gone wishing by OPI Nicole

my new addition and current color

A Million Sparkles

~ Bought it because it reminds me of my Best Friend :)

And on my Wish List?

The Muppet Collection OPI Nicole

from top, left to right: Animal-istic; Meep Meep Meep; Wocka Wocka; Pepes Purple Passion; Designers De Better; Warm and Fozzie; Rainbow Connection; Excuse Moi; Gone Gonzo; Fresh Frog of Bel Air; Divine Swine; Gettin Miss Piggy With It.

I'm loving the bottom row especcially Gone Gonzo (blue), Fresh Frog of Bel Air (green) and Gettin Miss Piggy With It (red). Not to mention the names are fantastic!

Strong

Birds, Words, Life

The Answers in Life

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled.  For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.

It's Heartsinking

I am taught, I am trained, It's engrained into my brain on what to do in a split second. It is expected that a little thought and a alot of action is how I practice. But when its just me, where there's no one to teach and no one to instruct. When I'm all alone and when all there is is living, then what do I do? 

I Don't Know What To Do.